It's your age, love. Etc.

[unbelievable2]

Slowly but inexorably, I seem to be falling off the grid. I don't want to, particularly, but it's like I don't have any say in the matter.

I was pretty ill from Dec with various things, one of which ended me up in hospital at the end of Feb. I still don't feel I've recovered properly from all of that. Meanwhile, although my kidney disease is still at usual levels (by dint of stringent management), something else is happening which the kidney consultant can't explain, so I have a referral to someone else. Appointment date yet to be determined.

Because of/as well as all this, I find I no longer have the emotional energy, let alone the physical, to engage. A lot of stuff is at the bottom of a deep well called I-Can't-Be-Bothered, and I have no inclination to pull it up. Fandom is down there, and I don't see it surfacing in the near future.

I will be pulling out of the Pros Big Bang - I have completely lost the mojo to write for the Lads. The TS Big Bang will probably go the same way. I am still reading TS fic when I can, and enjoying, and in fact it provides a good deal of relaxation. But Pros - nah. How can that be? Anyway, that's how it is.

If I write anything at all in the near future, it will have to be outside the strictures of a challenge deadline. Though I intend to continue taking part in the TS Icontest on LJ, because it is so much fun (and more people should do it!).

Some of you may have already noticed I haven't been much of a presence around here recently. I still skim LJ and DW (when I remember) but replying to posts seems in general to take too much energy. This is going to continue, I feel. No offence, just how it is.

Much love to everyone. I hope the situation may change in due course.

Comments

[solosundance]

Oh no, I'm very sorry to hear you've been so unwell. Nobody could blame you for feeling unmotivated to engage in fandom (or much else!). It's obviously not a time for that - you need to be concentrating on you and on getting properly well. I do hope the medicos manage to establish what else is going on and are able to treat accordingly.

Glad to hear that reading TS fic is providing some enjoyment though. I think that must mean you still have your connection with fandom, even though it's at the bottom of the well at the moment. I'm not sure I could get my rusty TS gears into um... gear enough to write any cheer-up fic along those lines, but if there's ever anything else you randomly fancy, just squeak :)

Hope things start to improve for you very soon.

*many hugs*

[unbelievable2]

I'm sure it will be fine. Thanks for listening, and being a mate. :)

[angel_ci5]

I'm so sorry to hear you've been so unwell, and no wonder you don't have the energy to engage much, long term ill-health is so exhausting and depressing. I hope your latest referral date comes through promptly and you start to get some answers on that issue, at least.

As for fandom, you can't force it, can you? And you shouldn't have to, it should be fun and easy, and there when you want or need it. :)

I really hope things get better soon. *hugs*

[unbelievable2]

Yeah, you're right. You can't force these things. I am hopeful the energy will return. Thanks for your hugs! :)

[leesa_perrie]

So sorry to hear you've been so unwell *mega hugs* I had a bout earlier this year where I found it very hard to keep the comms I run going, let alone much else. Turned out to be an underactive thyroid. Not saying that's the same in your case, but yeah, it's hard when your energy levels dip so low *more hugs*

[unbelievable2]

Huh, we're all in the same state of collapse, eh? I am a bit underactive, too, in fact - they corrected that a while ago. Something else happening now. But so glad you got yourself sorted. Thanks for your many hugs! :))

[unbelievable2]

Bad at posting on phone! Not sure if this got to you properly.

Sorry i didnt reply very comprehensively earlier.
I am so sorry you had the thyroid problem. I am amazed at how many women i know have this in one form or another. A dear friend had just your problem and she was barely functioning before she got a proper diagnosis and treatment, so i can sort-of guess what it was like for you. I.e. awful. :((( 
I was only a bit hypo, and correcting it solved some other issues, so i was lucky there. So very glad you have got the thing kicked it into touch.
And i am full of admiration for you carrying on the comms as you did, despite it all. I must say, TS Icontest is a regular joy to do and i am so grateful for the chance to take part. :)
You make sure you look after yourself too!

[unbelievable2]

Sorry i didnt reply very comprehensively earlier.
I am so sorry you had the thyroid problem. I am amazed at how many women i know have this in one form or another. A dear friend had just your problem and she was barely functioning before she got a proper diagnosis and treatment, so i can sort-of guess what it was like for you. I.e. awful. :(((
I was only a bit hypo, and correcting it solved some other issues, so i was lucky there. So very glad you have got the thing kicked it into touch.
And i am full of admiration for you carrying on the comms as you did, despite it all. I must say, TS Icontest is a regular joy to do and i am so grateful for the chance to take part. :)
You make sure you look after yourself too!
:))

[leesa_perrie]

Yeah, apparently it tends to run in the family and I have an aunt with an underactive one too! Hypo is bad too, so glad they sorted that our for you!!

I do enjoy running TS Icontest normally. During the undiagnosed couple of months or so it was hard to keep it going, but I knew I'd be unhappy if I stopped running it!

I hope one day to set it up on DW as well as TS (ie entries and voting in both places), but as DW doesn't allow crossposting for comms, and the voting will be slightly more work, I'm waiting until I feel robust enough to do so!

Glad you enjoy the icontest! :D

[bluewolf458]

Oh, dear. You look after yourself!

I can sympathise with 'I can't be bothered' - when everything seems to be too much effort. When all I really want to do is crawl into bed and forget the world exists. But something always happens to restore my interest in life, and I'm sure that'll happen to you - soon, I hope.

[unbelievable2]

Thank you, Sheila. I am hoping it will work out like that, too. :)