And they castigate fanfic..... ;)

[unbelievable2]

Morrissey's new book is out.Much as I love the man's lyrics, he should stay away from writing novels. But his stye of prose might be oddly familiar for those who've been exposed to the very depths of slashfic excess. Here for example, is a sex scene:

“Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”

I had to LOL, really I did. :)

The full review is here:

http://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2015/sep/24/morrissey-what-we-learned-about-him-from-list-of-the-lost

Comments

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

*the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation*

Oh, my! You have so got to offer this up to Weeping Cock!

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

It's a phrase that certainly has.. resonance. ;)

And yes, Weeping Cock is a good idea!

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

We would like to think such things don't exist in 'the real' publishing world, but obviously it's worse out there.

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

Shows that with a bit of clout and influence you can get away with publishing any old nonsense....

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

Go figure and then there is perfectly food fan fic that sits and will never see pro print. Sigh...

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

I too fall prostrate before "the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation"...

...and that it has the penetrating power to "smack" (such a vivid word choice there) INTO every muscle of Eliza's body... well... I frankly do not recall any fanfic that even comes close. I mean, breasts barrel-rolling against a howling mouth?

My morning is so much improved by this, I cannot tell you. :-)

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

I think it's going to be *so* difficult (actually I wrote *hard* here but reconsidered) not to get the barrel-rolling into any future fic. Shame I don't write het. ;)

BTW he's timed it perfectly to commemorate the Battle of Britain with that phrase, as well.

ETA: also you have to ask what he thinks 'extenuating' means.

[kernel1.livejournal.com]

Bulbous salutation... Priceless.:-)

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

It's the 'salutation' that gets me. Like "Oh, hello there, I'm dick..."
;)

[stargatesg1971.livejournal.com]

Oh my! That's just, well.....

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

Quite! On that basis, we are due our very own Penguin labels, I think. Plus Booker prizes.

[solosundance.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, Mozzer, that's quite um... impressive! Still, at least he may be up for a Bad Sex Award which is something I've rather coveted for myself :)

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

I would think he's a dead cert for that award!

[bluewolf458.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God.

What's that 'award' again for a bad opening sentence? This deserves an award for bad... everything! I've read some bad fanfic, but I don't think I've ever read any fanfic quite so... so...

I don't have the words.

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

an award for bad... everything!

Yep, that's about it! :))

[mab-browne.livejournal.com]

Goodness me.

No, really. Just....

Goodness me.

[unbelievable2.livejournal.com]

Isn't it just? :))